WARNING: EMO POST

Eh, it seems that Ive gotten back into that "unlucky flow" again. Most people who know me well will agree that, when I'm new to a school, every possible manifestation of bad luck seems to flow my way. For the most part, its a combination of not knowing anyone, having no idea who to not affiliate myself with, and just not getting how the cogs mesh. Of course I should probably be used to that by now, since Ive changed schools 4 times now but a suckish day is still a suckish day. I'm starting to work out again and I find that when i get angry, or annoyed, I work out. Dont ask me why, because I dont even know. I guess I just figure its better to be able to punch someone in the face, than to actually do it... If that makes any sense. It seems a lot more often I'm getting really annoyed with things these days... granted, theres been a lot more to be annoyed with but still, I like to believe Im usually better about cursing under my breath when I'm mad, complaining to people, and the like but these days... Well, Ive just hadn't much to be too "giddy" about.

I mean, usually I have that occasional "that was awesome!" thing that lasts me for a while but whats there to be pumped about when you've lost almost all of your closest friends, you have to carry all of your texts book at the same time, you lose 10 minutes (out of 30) of your minutes at lunch making sure you can get your table saved, and then heading across campus to your locker so you can actually get your lunch, you cant do what you love most because of stupid technicalities... you wouldn't be too excited about a lot of things...

so yea... the new school thing isn't adjusting well to me in the slightest but... hey, I got my health right? Oh wait. No. Ive been getting migraines because of so much stress. WEEEEEEEEE -.-

Oh well... I have my girlfriend, I got honors classes, and my new school is starting to march cymbals thanks to some persuasion on my part... things could be worse right?

Havent been here in a while...

So, I realize I haven't been on in a while. Oh well, not like anyone reads this anyway right?

School starts up Monday... as weird as it sounds, I really wish it would have started up last Wednesday, that would have meant Id still be going to my old school... I'm having to go to public school now, which means I'll be getting up earlier, but on the bright side, getting out of school earlier. Other than that, the only other bright side there is to it is that its the school where my girlfriend goes. That should be a good thing right? At least, in theory. Im going to have to make new friends, work my way back up in band (I was going to be a section leader in my old band, but now Im stuck being the lowest of the low. Awesome.) and just get used to all this excess new crap... and my only theoretical bright side seems to not want to have anything to do with me lately. Oh, and did I mention I'm not even going to get to play drums for the jazz band there? Turns out I missed every single band related audition at the new school. I had to swap mid-way through the summer, and I didnt know I would be going to a new school, so while I was totally owning on drums back at the last school, my chances for going anywhere this year were (and have finished) slipping away.

Thankfully though, my slate is clean at this new school. The guidance counselor thankfully saw that I can get good grades when I want to, so I got just about all honors classes possible. Minus english but, if I apply myself and have a little luck, I'll be able to get swapped into an honors class. English really is my best subject to use in the real world, (and not to boast here) my grammar and vocabulary exceed most students my age and reading is something I grasp onto fairly easily. As long as I actually try this year, I think I'll be able to go somewhere.... hopefully.

But, there is something I am genuinely happy about now. I'll be the full-time drummer for my church's youthgroup. Every wednsday I'll be there with the youth band playing drums, and when needed, bass. So that's definately good. Only downside, is that I'll be missing my girlfriend's youthgroup from now on. She means a lot to me, but I'll leave her to decide whether or not she can see me every once in a while for the next couple of wednsdays.

So... there are a lot of ups and downs for this year... with a few prayers though, I think I'll manage to survive. I'm definitely going to need some help though...

"Angels Cry" By Brad Rohrer

This is a song I wrote last night. I had the inspiration a while ago for the chorus, and originally I was going to incorporate it into some artwork, but as of late I've been getting back into the rhythm of music again and so instead of emotion spewing onto the sketchbook, it spewed into my notebook. You can take it how you see fit.

In the corner of my room
Curled up in a ball
Afraid I would fall
I reached for your hand
But it wasn't there
It wasn't there

This fate I didn't choose
Deep in my heart
All became dark
I asked for some light
But you didn't share
You didn't Share

(chorus)
Those who make angels cry
Deserve to die
But why can't I
Make this angel mine?
Make this angel mine...
Make this angel mine...

Left me so confused
I couldn't get up
It's been tough
I needed your help
But you didn't care
No, you didn't care

Ive been forced to lose
I needed advice
To set my life right
I felt so alone
It just isn't fair
It just isn't fair

Chorus

I'm feeling abandoned
Because you won't make up your mind
But now I'm demandin'
You stop wasting my time

I was concerned
Because I was alone
But now I've learned
And now I know

Chorus

Oh, and by the way, if anyone out there is any good at putting melodies to lyrics, I could really use your help. I'm a total percussionist at heart and because of it I'm horrible at coming up with anything but rhythms.

No one has the balls to cut the third wheel off.

Thats exactly what I am these days. Nothing but the third wheel that simply makes everyone feel awkward. Now, of course it bothers me to be the third wheel. You know, the guy whos invited places just because it would be rude to leave him out, the guy who has an amazing way of being unwanted in even the best of circumstances, the guy whos given those little insults every day that have some hidden meaning in them. Well ya know what? Im getting sick and tired of it. It doesnt really bother I'm the third wheel. I mean, its like my uncle says; if theres a room with ten people in it, theres always going to be the one that no one gets along with. What pisses me off though, is that people have to put on the smiles because it would be rude to do otherwise. If you don't want me hanging around, then f***king say it to my face, because we all know you're thinking it.

But then theres the flip side. Why do I even hang out with these people if I know theyd rather me not even be there in the first place? Because Im hanging on my last shred of humanity before I completely lose it and end up being the guy on the news for nothing good. And you know what the really sad thing is? The only time I'm the third wheel is when I'm with the people I want to be with most. The only time I do something to make someone feel awkward is when I try to be the least obtrusive as possible. The only time I say the wrong thing is when it matters most. The only time Im not cool is when Ill be decided the leper afterwards.

Not as if anyone wants to know whats on my mind anyway.

Good God

You know what I hate? When people decide its ok to make fun of things they have no idea about.

I hate idiots.

Things are looking slightly up.

Well it's currently 9:24pm in the home of your favorite spieler, and here I am now, chilling and hoping I survive the next few weeks. We got SAT's in the next few days (Im a private school kid... and loath uniforms) and I's hope I's gots plenty a book-learnin' over them school quarters...

Now then, on a totally unrelated topic, Ive got a mind to study. As you may know, I'm very interested in therapy, and the like, and hope to end up as one later on. Now, I have someone willing to share their thoughts with me on a day to day basis, due to the fact that the has a decent amount of issues that need attending to. Its pretty fun being able to find how things connect in the human mind. Not to mention, im actually getting paid. Really, its only about a buck a week, but there are other benifits to it as well. Im becomming better at analyzing people based off of facial gestures, past experiences, and the whole "tell me about your childhood" thing... well, i even asked that about her boyfriend, which sounded very odd in my head, but was necessary for the topic at hand.

Also, my band... well, its officially died. Recently I've decided that spending time with my girlfriend (whom i get to spend very time with compared to other people in relationships my age) is more important than spending time with a band thats going downhill. We never actually got a drummer, scheaduals were always out of whack... it just wasnt really going to go anywhere. But fortunately, now with my bass lessons I can work on my own, and use my abilites for later on.

So, in general... things aren't looking down, so i guess that means theyre looking up.

i repeat: WHY DO I EVEN TRY

ok, here i am, trying to figure out how im supposed to be the perfect little smiling child who doesnt do a **** thing wrong, and you know what? Im realizing that every single person on the freakin planet contradicts themselves. For the past week ive been grounded from the internet for bad grades. My grades are back up. Now im just on restriction.

LA-DE-FREAKIN-DA

So now, after a long speil that i cant say on the internet cuz eyes are FREAKING EVERYWHERE THAT WOULD RAT ON ME AT THE DROP OF A HAT, Im pissed off to no end because no one can say without showing.

Why do I even try?

-Sigh- Well, now is the time for me to rant about how much life is pissing me off. As most people would know, parents are all too good at making sure ever single little thing you do gets you advanced in life while having as little interuption in their lives as possible. Just recently I got sick to the point to where I had to miss three days of school. This, of course, left me with crap loads of missed work (mostly from the evil that is Ms. [and for good reason it's not "Mrs"] Gunter, my thoroughly derranged math teacher).

Now, this is all being dumped on me while my parents are already nazi's about homework, and now matter how well i do, parents simply reply with "See? You're a smart kid, you can do better!". What the hell?!!?!!? How am I supposed to do better than something I tried to do my best on??? It just goes to show that no matter how well you're doing, parents expect more. Now, I know they just want whats best for us, but they contradict themselves so often! Right after saying something like that, they turn around and tell us that we need to make the most of the time we have by having as much fun as we can, because we'll have absolutely no time when we're older.

I guess I should rephrase what i said to begin with. What I should have asked was,
Why do WE even try?

4 MORE DAYS CAP'N!!!!!!!!

THATS RIGHT!!!! IM PLAYIN DRUMS FOR MY CHURCH IN FOUR DAYS MAAANN!!!! FOUR MORE DAYS!!!!!

XD!!!!!!

how to be a ninja!!!!

Saturday has arrived yet again, and although it is valentines day, i feel i should be completely off topic (i know, its shocking). Todays tutorial will have nothing to do with love, but with the art of being a master of stealthyhood... thats right, i said stealthyhood.


1. Decide upon a series of ideas, morales, and philosophies that you truly can live by.
Contrary to popular belief, ninja weren't always cold-blooded killers that did things that samurai refused to do. In most cases rogue/masterless samurai (Ronin) were the ones that caused most of the crimes in feudal Japan. Ninja came from all walks of life. Most ninja used their skills mainly to keep themselves alive to come home to see their families every night. Some ninja families however came under the service of a lord, or kept themselves isolated within their own clan. Decide on what you want to do first.

2. Never publicize that you are a ninja.
A ninja must be able to function as a spy, which means that you cannot reveal your status as an aspiring ninja, or else no one will trust you. Do not dress like the stereotypical ninja. The black outfits that most people associate with ninja are a construct of Kabuki theater, in which ninja characters were disguised as prop handlers (who always wore black to minimize their presence while moving props on stage).When you do wear ninja clothes, the idea is to never let anyone see you in them.
Learn how to move stealthily. Become adept at social and physical invisibility and silence. Walk silently Learn the appropriate clothes for the appropriate times. Do not stand out or draw attention to yourself in any way. Sometimes that may mean being sociable and friendly because in the modern world, a person who sits quietly in the corner arouses suspicion and is carefully watched.

3. Get and maintain a ninja body.
This does not necessarily mean becoming lean and muscular; it means building endurance, agility, strength and flexibility. Your body is a tool--as long as it can perform the functions of a ninja, it is a valuable tool. In fact, becoming too fit may be counterproductive, especially if you stand out as being the only slim or muscular person in the room.

4.Know how to escape.
No matter where you are, know how to get out of the situation as quickly and as anonymously as possible. This is a critical skill for a ninja, especially when performing missions. Historically, smoke bombs and firecrackers were used to create diversions, but you will have to devise more subtle techniques. When you enter a room, always be aware of every potential exit, and have several plans in place for how you can create a diversion if necessary. As you escape, strive to leave no evidence behind. One way that ninja accomplished this in the past was with ashiaro, or wooden pads worn on their bottom of their footwear and carved to look like an animal's paw or a child's foot so that the ninja's footprints would not be noticed.
Study ninjutsu. Ninjutsu isn't just a martial art but a skill set that is meant to provide the necessary skills to complete missions of espionage and assassination in a feudal setting. There are 18 different disciplines (note that samurai and shinobi (ninja) use the same techniques sometimes):

Seishin-teki kyōyō (spiritual refinement)

Taijutsu (unarmed combat, using one's body as the only weapon)

Kenjutsu (sword fighting)

Bōjutsu (stick and staff fighting)

Shurikenjutsu (throwing blades)

Sōjutsu (spear fighting)

Naginatajutsu (naginata fighting)

Sui-ren (water training)

Bōryaku (tactic)

Chōhō (espionage)

Intonjutsu (escaping and concealment)

Tenmon (meteorology)

Kusarigamajutsu (chain and sickle weapon)

Kayakujutsu (pyrotechnics and explosives)

Hensōjutsu (disguise & impersonation)

Chi-mon (geography)

Shinobi-iri (stealth and entering methods)

HackSa (A hacky sack/foot bag and your body are your only weapons)

Bajutsu (horsemanship)

5. Learn to control people and manipulate events not by force, but by words and actions. As a modern ninja, you should be able to obtain a goal without having to resort to any manner of violence. Use people's desires, needs and wants against them. Humans need security, wealth, pride, strength and to have their wants and needs satisfied. This is a key ability in most if not all events.

6. Feed your mind.
Ninja were often very knowledgeable. With knowledge comes power and this can help you become more knowledgable and also help you blend in more easily.

7. Master self control
A true Ninja is a master of his/her enviroment, which consequently requires one to be in control of one's self. To master one's self, learn to: Cut emotions out of the desicion making, engage in rational and logical thinking no matter what the situation is, make tactical desicions that may upset one's ego, finding the flow of situations/problems and one's place with in them, make desisions for one's own situations as if giving someone else advice... Applying this to every day life is a must, as it stand in the way of the mastery of one's self. If one cannot master self, one cannot master others, and their soroundings. Example: Engaging in physical combat due to probacation knowing one can defeat the threat may not be the best of interests for the big picture. Walking away while ridicule may hurt one's ego, but will keep one in the clear of the public's eye from things to come.

8. Silence is Golden
One's desicion to live by ninjutsu disiplines is not and should not be public knowledge. One's first responsibility is to learn and practice ninjutsu in secrecy, and privately. After all, one cannot be a master spy if one cannot keep something as simple as one's hidden identity a secret from those that surround us (Even if One lives with them.) Do not lead others as to what you may or may not know, or what you may be up to.

Ya ever feel like its not gonna happen?

Thats exactly what i keep thinking these days. I dont know why, but i know for a fact that every single plan of life ive acted out in my head has nothing to do with what i will really end up doing in life. For example, in life, I expect to go to college and get my degree in phsychology, and live my life in a decent house, with an amazing girl, and 2 totally awsome kids. Now, this is all completely possible, and, yes, i do hope i get married eventually and have little padawans of my own (yes, that was starwars related). But then, i think about what i really want to do with my life, and it ends up being absolutely nothing like what i think it should be. Its on a completely different spectrum of reality. In fact, what would be my dream job would be to go on tour with my band, and hear songs that i wrote, being played on the radio.

Now, both of theses can actually happen. But the likelyhood? Well, it aint exactly looking so great for me. I'm a smart kid, but I'm lazy, Im creative, but i dont have the rescources to act on that, I have a record, 106 words per minute typing speed, but i cant stand desk jobs.

The question stands, what am I going to end up doing with my life? In all actuallity, i know for a fact that its going to end up being something completely different... I guess i just have to live by a phrase ive known for quite some time now... and that is this,

"If you keep doing what you love, and know that its right, God will put you in the right place"

I guess... thats it... i just have to let God use my random series of talents for whatever he wants... and despite the cluelessness about what thatll entail... i know itll be what he wants... even if it ends up being the suckiest thing that could pop up in life... oh well i guess... No matter what though, I am not going to be another statistic.

Writing for my own pleasure

For those of you who dont know, I am definately a rock enthusiast. I love all that is rock, and all that it portrays. So, in celebration of my love for rock im currently working on a short book tittled "How to be a rocker". Its going to be suprisingly in depth so... itll be out... eventually

How to make a wasp trap!

Take a plastic bottle and cut the neck off. (The neck is the cone part of the bottle including the cap.)

Flip the neck upside-down, removing the cap first, and place the neck into the bottle.

Tape and/or staple the top together with the bottom of the bottle. Keep in mind that you will need to take them apart often to switch out the bait and remove dead wasps.

Bait your trap. It should not reach the opening of the bottle (The wasps should have to completely enter the trap in order to access the bait). You can also do this before you attach the two pieces together. Some bait ideas:* Meat - This is the best choice in the spring and late winter because wasps are making nests and laying eggs, so they're searching for high protein food; you may even catch a queen this way, in which case the wasps will relocate their nest.

Dishwashing liquid and water* Mashed grapes* Sugar and lemon juice* Sugar and water* Sugar and vinegar* 1 tsp liquid laundry soap, 1 tsp sugar (to attract them), and water - if they do get out, they will still die from the laundry soap

Tape some string to the bottle, (or make holes and put the string through) and hang it up in an area with many wasps.

Empty the trap regularly. Be sure the wasps are dead before removing them. Not only do you want to prevent an angry sting, but living wasps that escape may return aggressively with their friends. Pour hot, soapy water into the funnel (the upside-down neck of the bottle) to make sure, or put a plastic bag over the trap and put it in the freezer for a few days. Bury the dead wasps, or flush them down the toilet, as their bodies might release a chemical that alerts the rest of the colony of their fate

My latest adventure

Ok, so the tittle is a little misleading, but i did something somewhat different from the norm and I doubt anyone would actually wanna take the time to read a tittle that says "I did something somewhat different from the norm"... then again, few people actually read this anyway so... I might as well make the tittles seem as exciting as possible.

Anyway, over the weekend I went on a youth retreat with my church youth group. Now, for those of you who have no idea what that is, its a group of kids (middle and high school, a long with a few college kids... and some parents) who come together on a weekly basis and basically have the equivalent of church, cept more... teenage friendly, AKA more exciting music, kids our age playing it, and trips that we would wanna go on. And for those of you who dont know what a youthgroup retreat is, its basically an opportunity for these kids to leave home for a couple of days, and get away from all society so that we can more easily focus on God and have constant fellowship with eachother. While that means we cant bring things like cell phones, ipods, gameboys, etcetera, its still a whole lotta fun. For example, there are canoes, paddle boats, football... oh yea, and snowball fights.

Thats right, despite the infamous heat that this state provides, we had a snowball fight.... ok well, it wasnt real snow... but still it was cool. Basically we filled pantyhose with flour, put rubberbands around the end... the results were very... dusty, hehe.

But besides the fun and games, it was a very inspireing event. We learned about how God created us with a plan in our lives, and that no matter what happens, we were NOT accidents, and that he does love us.

"Whacked out society"

Just another song by yours truely, basically mocking how what we as teenagers are addicted to, have no real impact on our lives in the future.

New craze
Every day
Always is the same way
What exactly's wrong with me
For being socially insane

Sick of all this twisted crap
What makes country worse than rap?
Converse Vs. skateboard shoes
Tired of our mindless drool

Our teenage addiction
Is hollywood fiction
Twilight, youtube
Just let me choose

Im tired of the mind controll
Implied in those facebook polls
Wannabe teacher's-pets
All this junk gets me upset

Psychopaths that cant drive
Scremo songs that dont ryme
Officials that make up lies
All these things just waste my time

Our teenage addiction
Is hollywood fiction
Soujla boy, halo 3
What exactly's wrong with me?

Dont tell me what is implied
In my lyrics and my rymes
Ill tell u straait and blow you mind

I hate teenage fabs that
Rule
Our
Lives